Equanimity
by TottWriter
Summary: "Your friend will not be returning all the while my demands are unmet. Surrender your digivices and digimon, and concede defeat to the Digimon Kaiser" - There was no way we were going to meet those demands, and I thought I was prepared to to do whatever it took to get Takeru back. But how do you rescue someone when they no longer wish to be saved? An 02 AU - part of Trinacriform.
1. Hopeless

**A.N.: This story is part of my Trinacriform series, and is a companion to Metanoia and Renascent. The three can be read in any order, but if you're fond of mysteries I recommend starting with Metanoia, because reading that one second will give away a lot of what's going on.**

* * *

 _equanimity - noun: a calm mental state, especially after a shock or disappointment or in a difficult situation_

* * *

I can't really explain how I knew, but I did. The moment Nefertimon and I arrived, and found a few Pyokomon being harried by a Gazimon under the control of a dark ring, I felt a shiver down my back. Something bad was happening, or was going to happen. Maybe it already had.

It was the work of a moment to free the Gazimon from the dark ring. _One_ digimon? Just one, a child-level all on its own, and with no real memory of getting there once freed. All the Pyokomon knew was that they had been scooped up by an Airdramon and dropped here, just an hour or so before, and the Gazimon had already been there waiting for them.

It was all wrong, but it didn't make any sense. Not until Miyako's message arrived, anyway, telling us that she had found only a solitary Gazimon at _her_ distress call, and thought it a little strange.

 _Trap_.

The word arrived in my head and stuck there, nagging and worrying at me. But, still, it didn't make any _sense_. If it was a trap, who or what was the trap for?

I didn't want to think about the prickling in my back as we flew to our meeting point. I had to, though. After all, we'd separated. Each of us had gone to a different place, and… and that was the trap. We'd been split up. Divided. Whatever it was, Miyako and I had probably gotten the decoys. That or something big was waiting for us at our meeting point.

Miyako and I were the first back. That much wasn't a surprise - our partners could fly, so we moved a lot faster. Sure enough, it was Iori who arrived after us, running up with Armadimon in tow from the closest distress call. Daisuke brought up the rear - he'd taken one of the further points because Lighdramon could cover ground almost as fast as we could.

"This doesn't feel right," Iori said. "We got there, but there was only a Gazimon… we freed him, but he can't have been the one to send a signal, because he had a dark ring."

Miyako stared at him. "He wasn't even _guarding_ anyone?"

"Man, this reeks," Daisuke said, looking around. "And where's Takeru got to? I don't like standing around like this. Feels like _Ichijouji's_ planning something."

I bit the inside of my lip, trying to keep calm. There had to be a reason he hadn't come back, didn't there? He'd taken the furthest call of all of us, reasoning that Lighdramon ought to have some energy left in reserve to help the rest of us if we needed it. It was the same reason that I'd taken Nefertimon in the opposite direction. Our partners are stronger than the others - older. They can put up with more. Pegasmon should have been able to fly out there, help, and fly back. They should have come back by now. The more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt.

"Maybe we should send a message or something?" Miyako said at last. We'd been standing around long enough that none of us were comfortable any more. "I mean, maybe he got…got held up and forgot to let us know?"

I didn't want to do it. I knew we had to, but sending that message, asking him to let us know what was going on… of course there was a _chance_ he'd message back and everything would be fine. But I knew he wouldn't. I knew that the moment we asked him to contact us, it was going to set us down a path where nothing was okay any more. All the while we were waiting, I could deny it. I wanted to _carry on_ denying it.

"Do it," Daisuke said, reaching for his own D-Terminal. Everyone sent a message - mine was the last. Mostly because I already knew how pointless it was.

 _::Takeru, please tell us where you are::_ I sent eventually, trying to ignore the knot in my stomach.

The message came back to all of us simultaneously.

 _::Your friend will not be returning all the while my demands are unmet. Surrender your digivices and digimon, and concede defeat to the Digimon Kaiser::_

I don't remember falling. One minute I was stood upright, holding my D-Terminal in my hand, and the next I was on the ground, with Miyako and Daisuke both fussing around me as though I were some kind of invalid. Iori stood not far behind them, his face ashen.

"I'm alright," I said quickly, as they helped me to my feet. "I'm alright." The words came out automatically, but I was pretty sure even _Daisuke_ could tell I didn't mean them. Of course I wasn't alright. None of us were.

"What do we do now?" Miyako said, her voice high and panicky. "We have to rescue him!"

I looked at my D3, feeling like a robot. It was some kind of nightmare. A bad dream, digging up worse memories.

"His D3 isn't showing up," I said. There were three dots around mine on the map, but Takeru's was nowhere in sight. I couldn't remember the last time any of us had been _that_ far apart. "He must be too far away."

"So we go to the last place he was and try again there," Daisuke said. "Ichijouji can't have taken him far."

I didn't have the heart to tell them it was pointless. I think I wanted to be wrong. For it to be a trick of the same sort the self-styled Digimon Kaiser had played before - except that all those times, he'd stuck to a place we could still see on our D3s. If Takeru's had vanished, he'd been taken a long, _long_ way away. And we'd sat waiting for over half an hour. We'd probably missed our only chance to find out where that place was.

We went anyway, of course. We'd been in such a rush to attend those distress calls that it really wasn't all that late. It was easy to find the place, too. You could tell by the carnage.

"What _happened?_ " Miyako said, staring in horror.

I clung to Nefertimon as Daisuke walked around, kicking at rubble and cursing. Iori just stood there, his face as drawn as I had ever seen it.

"This was where they were all waiting," I said hollowly. "Ichijouji split us up because he knew we're stronger together."

"And Takeru didn't call for help," Iori said, scowling. "Which means he didn't know he was outnumbered until it was too late. An _ambush_."

"Seems like they fought back pretty hard though," Miyako said, looking at the devastation.

There was a building nearby, but it was impossible to tell what it had been. All that was left were piles of stone. The ruins of a dark tower were heaped beside it. It was wrong, all wrong. There was just too much destruction for a fight against one person. And, if the dark tower had been destroyed, surely the enslaved digimon should have been freed?

"Ichijouji wasn't taking chances," I said dully. "He… he can't have known for _certain_ that Takeru would be the one, or that he'd be alone. There were probably a lot of digimon waiting here."

I could feel a lump building in my throat as I spoke. I didn't want it to be true. It couldn't be true. Not Takeru. After everything we'd been through in the digital world it seemed impossible that something - someone - could take him away. How could he be gone?

"Must've had spirals, too," Daisuke said, picking up a scrap of metal. "I mean, the tower's down, right?"

"No," Iori snapped, making us all turn and stare at him. "There's another, look! Behind those trees."

It wasn't easy to see. No doubt that had been the intention. Alone, Takeru hadn't stood a chance.

"We never should have split up," I said, sinking to my knees. I could feel the tears starting, and screwed my eyes tightly shut to hold them back. It didn't work.

* * *

It didn't sink in properly until we were stood at the gate. We'd knocked down every tower we could see on our way back - mostly as a distraction. As though, somehow, by lingering in the digital world, everything would miraculously turn out okay. As though Takeru were just running a bit late.

But at the gate, there was no avoiding the issue. He wasn't there. He wasn't returning with us. We had to go back without him, and…and try to _explain_ things.

"We're _sure_ there's nothing else we can do?" Miyako said, looking around anxiously. "I mean…he…surely Ichijouji didn't _really_ mean all that about Takeru, right?"

"Well, do _you_ see him popping up anywhere?" Daisuke said. "I mean, that's a lot of effort to go to, blowing up a building and smashing up everything around it, just to let him go. Ichijouji's not the type to do that."

"There's nothing we can do, Miyako," I said, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. "We…we need to go back and ask for help. Just the four of us like this…it's no good. But the others…Taichi will know what to do. Or maybe Koushiro can find a way to track where he is. We have to face it. This is…it's more than we can manage."

Daisuke frowned. "Wait, you're saying we're not good enough to handle this? We've done pretty well with everything _else_ Ichijouji's thrown at us!"

Iori cleared his throat. "But Taichi and the others have been through something a bit like this before," he said. "Remember what they told us? They were separated and had to find each other. Takeru is counting on us. We can't ignore advice if it might help rescue him sooner."

"And I guess if Ichijouji _does_ let Takeru go, he can get back by himself," Miyako said. Her face brightened. "And if we leave the computer on overnight he'll have a gate to use. I'll disable the screensaver to make sure he can access it."

I smiled weakly. They didn't get it. How could they? We'd all been popping in to the digital world for a couple of hours after school, and longer stretches only at the weekends. We'd always known that we could leave at any time, thanks to the gates. I had a feeling Miyako expected Takeru to message us around dinner time and let us know he was back.

Much as I wanted him to, I knew it wouldn't happen. Ichijouji hadn't even cared about his own _family_ when he'd moved to the digital world permanently. Why should he care about anyone else now? It was all I could do to keep my face level as we let the gate pull us back to the real world. I didn't want to think about what awaited us there.

What were we going to tell everyone?

* * *

Being back at school made it a _lot_ more real for the others. I could tell by the awkward looks on their faces as Miyako fiddled with the computer, and the silence as we walked down the corridor. We stopped outside.

"So, what now?" Daisuke asked. "I mean, how long do we give it? He's…he's gotta come back _soon_ , right?"

Iori shook his head. "We have to let someone know what happened."

"But who?" Miyako asked. "Who do we tell?"

I checked the time on my D-Terminal. "Mrs Takaishi probably won't be home from work for a little while yet. So we…we should start with the others."

Deep in my gut I knew I was being selfish. I wanted an excuse to see Taichi. I wanted to feel like it was the eight of us again, and that Taichi was going to put things right. I didn't want it to be my job. I didn't want to be the one who had to break the news. I didn't want to admit that we'd left someone behind. It felt like a failure. It _was_ a failure. We'd never left anyone behind before, and now we had, and it was _Takeru_ , the person who had promised to do everything in his power to protect me from Piedmon at the age of _eight_. He'd done it, too, and in return I'd abandoned him. I felt like the most horrible person in the world.

To make things worse, the others just nodded. They were looking at _me_ to tell them what to do, as though I knew something they didn't. As though _I_ was the calm and collected one, when all I wanted to do was break down and cry.

I fished around for my phone, and sent Taichi an email, knowing he'd take it more seriously that way. My fingers felt numb as I tapped out the words, and asked him where Yamato was. Iori frowned, and said we should tell them in person, but I didn't— _couldn't_ —send the message without warning them we had bad news. He replied almost straight away, telling us to head to the park, and that he'd meet us there with the others.

The others were Sora and Koushiro. They were sat on a bench together, Sora fiddling with a sports bag while Koushiro flicked through a textbook. Yamato was nowhere in sight.

"He had band practice," Taichi said in answer to my silent question, getting to his feet as we approached. "He'll be here in a minute. What's going…wait. Where's Takeru?"

I heard Sora gasp and I froze up, shaking my head and trying not to cry. I knew I _would_ cry as soon as I said it, and I had to hold things together until Yamato got there. Iori was right. He shouldn't be the last to know. He should have been the _first_ person to know, but we'd already messed that up. I should have called him straight away. _Coward_ , I thought. _Coward, coward, coward_.

Taichi knew by the looks on our faces. I could tell. Besides, how could he fail to guess? There we were, _four_ of us, and I'd asked specifically for Yamato to come along. I hung my head as he walked over and squeezed my shoulder. I knew it was meant to be reassuring—a substitute hug at a moment when hugs didn't seem right—but it just made me feel even worse. Why did _I_ deserve comfort more than anyone else?

The hand let go, and Taichi called out over my head. To Yamato. I made myself turn and face him, despite the fact I didn't want any of it to be real.

Yamato's expression was suspicious at first, then increasingly wary as he looked us over.

"Did…did Takeru go home?" he asked uncertainly. "Taichi called and said this was important. What's going on?"

"I…we…" The words were there, dancing in my mind, but I couldn't get them out.

Iori cleared his throat. "We have bad news," he said, voice leaden but steady. "Ichijouji's holding Takeru hostage."

Yamato didn't say anything at first. His face didn't change its expression much, except to develop a sudden closed-off look. He shook his head slowly.

"Am I…am I hearing this right?" he said, voice strained. "Holding him _hostage?_ Why? For what?"

Wordlessly, I held out my D-Terminal for him to take. Taichi took it from Yamato's hand when it started to shake, and read the message as well.

"We looked," I said. "But he was out of range of our D3s. There was a distress call, and we…we split up. It was a trap."

"He put up a heck of a fi- _oof!_ "

I turned in time to see Miyako elbow Daisuke and cut him off mid-sentence. She glowered at him, and hissed: " _Shut up!_ "

"The computer is still on at our school," Iori said. "If…we made sure to leave a gate open so he could leave if he was able to."

Yamato's knuckles were white.

"This is going too far," he said through gritted teeth. "I'm gonna-"

"You're gonna stay right here," Taichi said. "Because if we knew where Ichijouji was, we wouldn't have a problem in the first place. We'd rush him and break Takeru out, no sweat. And as soon as we track down that damn base of his, that's exactly what we _will_ do, okay?"

"We're not going back _now?_ " Daisuke asked.

"No," Taichi said shortly, not taking his eyes off Yamato. "There's no sense charging in without a plan, right? We've had to bide our time before, and Takeru knows that as much as anyone. He can hang in there until we find him."

Yamato looked away from Taichi for just a second: to stare at me. I ducked my head, sure of what he had to be thinking. It was easy for Taichi to talk about waiting when I was stood right there. If it had been the other way round…

But it wasn't. I was safe, and Takeru was missing, and none of us had any idea where he could possibly be. I felt guilty by association. Guilty for coming back; guilty for letting the others do most of the talking; guilty for not speaking up about that gut feeling that something was wrong _sooner_. If I'd sent a message from the start, would we have made it in time to help?

I didn't know. But stewing on might-have-beens wasn't going to help when what I _did_ know was that one of my closest friends had vanished without trace, and I'd stood by and done _nothing_. The guilt cut deeply, and lodged there in my heart and mind.

It was going to be my close companion for a very long time indeed.

* * *

 **A.N.:** **It's here: the third and final leg of Trinacriform! And in keeping with the series, I've switched PoV once more. I don't often write in First Person, so this is going to be another challenge for me. It's all good fun though, and I'm looking forward to telling what is, essentially, the "meanwhile in reality" part of the whole story.**

 **I actually started writing this chapter while stalling on Renascent, so the first half of it has been kicking around my harddrive for a while now. I really hadn't planned to start _another_ fic just yet (even if Trinacriform is sort of all one expanded story), but it's been hogging brain space which I had intended to give to Hope's Fire and Metanoia, so you can probably expect it to update with comparative regularity over the next few weeks. Of course, the next few weeks are also the summer holidays, and I'm a single parent. So please bear with me as my writing time will be somewhat more limited!**


	2. Without Answers

Taichi sent the others home. There wasn't anything they could do, after all, not right at that moment. I had to look away. It felt so wrong to see Miyako and Iori walk off as a pair, rather than part of a trio.

Yamato was slumped on one of the park benches, head resting in his hands. He didn't look up to say goodbye, or even when Koushiro promised to do everything he could to track the Kaiser's base from his computer. It wasn't even the frantic worry he'd had when Takeru had been captured during our previous adventure—he'd just _deflated_.

I hung back as Taichi sat down next to him.

"Do you know what time your mum gets back from work?"

Yamato shook his head.

"Right. Well, we'll head over there now anyway, alright? Do you need me to call your dad?"

I felt sick. I should have been _doing_ something, and instead I was just stood there, letting Taichi take over again. Letting him be the leader, and take on all the hard, horrible tasks which shouldn't have kept falling to him to do. But he did them anyway. Taichi knew what to do. He knew what to say, and how to cope, and all I could do was stand there, uselessly, clutching Tailmon and and wishing I could wake up to find it had all been some horrible dream.

"I don't know, Taichi. I don't- I don't know what to _do_. I don't even think Takeru told my mum the digimon came back. How do I tell her what happened? How do I stand there and explain that I let him do this without me? I should have _been_ there for him."

"We all should," my brother replied. "It wasn't your fault, Yamato. If anything, you can blame me for saying we didn't need to be there. But let's face it. _None_ of us saw this coming. We're up against a _human being_ , for crying out loud! A child, just like any of us."

"No," Yamato snapped, his voice filled with venom. "He's not like any of us. No decent person could do what he's done. He treats the digital world like some…some sick kind of game, and now he kidnaps my little brother? I don't care that he's younger than me—when I find him he's going to wish he'd never been born."

I wanted to go home. I didn't belong there, stood almost eavesdropping on a conversation I had no part in, but I was too afraid to move. Too afraid to do anything other than wait for Taichi to tell me what to do. Where to go. What to say. If Taichi wanted me to be the one who broke the news, I knew I'd have to try. Anything less would make me more of a failure than I already was. But right then, stood there watching Yamato come unglued, I stopped wanting to wake up. Instead, I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole.

 _I let him down_ , I thought, over and over. _I never should have agreed to us all splitting up._

"Hikari," Tailmon said, looking at me solemnly. "It wasn't your fault either."

I didn't reply. I knew she wouldn't expect me to. She was comforting me because I'm her partner, not because she thought I'd actually _believe_ her.

* * *

I thought Taichi might have forgotten about me until he called my name and told me to follow him and Yamato back to Takeru's apartment. Yamato didn't look at me, or speak. I couldn't blame him. I was sure I had to be the last person in the world he wanted to see right then, save perhaps one. No. He probably even wanted to see Ichijouji more than me, even if it was only so he could take out his anger and fear on the other boy.

We didn't walk in total silence, though, because Taichi was there too. Sending messages to Koushiro, Jou and Mimi as he walked - filling in the latter two on the situation, and trying to work out some sort of plan with Koushiro. It didn't seem to be going all that well, but then, I reckoned that Koushiro couldn't have been home for more than a few minutes when they started. He'd probably barely gotten his computer started.

The sun was starting to dip down by the time we reached Takeru's apartment. At no point had Yamato done more than dawdle, and I don't think Taichi had any intention of hurrying him along. I know I certainly didn't. Every minute which passed was another minute in which Takeru might—against all odds, admittedly—somehow break free and let us know he was safe. When we reached his apartment and hadn't heard anything, Yamato just leant against the wall with his arms hanging limply by his sides. It was Taichi who knocked.

Mrs Takaishi answered so quickly that I wondered if she'd been waiting by the door. She looked worried; an expression which lifted momentarily when she saw us, and then redoubled when she realised who was missing. He gaze fell on Tailmon and stayed there.

"Where is my son," she said, slowly and deliberately. I don't think I've ever heard a sound as awful as the fear in her voice right then.

"Mrs Takaishi, can we come inside?" Taichi said. "It's…a little complicated."

Her face seemed to harden as she nodded. She hardly looked at any of us as we trooped inside and gathered in the sitting area. Mrs Takaishi perched on her chair, while Taichi sat opposite her. Yamato and I remained standing. I was oddly grateful that Tailmon stayed in my arms. I knew she was worn out from spending so long as Nefertimon, and holding her was a real comfort, albeit one I felt guilty for having. What had happened to Patamon when Takeru had been captured?

But Taichi was talking again, interrupting that thought before it had time to play out fully.

"I'm guessing Takeru didn't mention that the digimon had returned?" he said, looking over at me briefly.

Mrs Takaishi shook her head. "How long has this been going on?" she asked. "And where _is_ he? He's not…" She trailed off, her eyes filling with tears. I looked away.

"No," Taichi said firmly. "It…it started in April. They—"

"Ken Ichijouji," Yamato snapped, looking up. "That… _boy_ who disappeared. He's in the digital world, and he's been there this whole time causing trouble."

"What? I don't understand…how is he connected?"

Taichi sighed. "He's the one responsible. He's—he's holding Takeru hostage in the digital world. We've got Koushiro looking for him now, but at the moment we don't know exactly where they are."

"But we will," Yamato said. The expression on his face made me take a step back. "And when we do I'm gonna—"

Taichi cleared his throat loudly, glaring at him. "And when we do we're going to get Takeru back. And we're going to haul this kid back too, and not do anything _stupid_."

"Oh that's rich coming from _you_ Tai—"

" _Yamato!_ " Mrs Takaishi snapped.

He fell silent. We all did. For a few seconds no one seemed to know what to say.

"We're going to work flat out," Taichi said at last. "We'll get him back as quickly as we can. And…and Takeru's smart. I'll bet he's doing everything he can to get loose, too. It's not like before, Mrs Takaishi. We have stable gates now, to get in and out of the digital world. He can get home. And we're going to make _sure_ he comes home, I swear. He'll be alright."

* * *

I felt useless as Taichi explained everything, and kept Yamato in check. He called on me for my D-Terminal, and for a quick account of what had happened that I stuttered my way through, and then I retreated into myself once more, clinging to Tailmon and both wishing she would saying something and desperately hoping she didn't. Mrs Takaishi didn't really look as though she wanted to talk to any digimon just then.

We left before too much longer, taking Yamato with us and heading back to our apartment. He'd gone quiet again after his outburst at his mother's. All the anger had vanished out of his face. All the _everything_ had gone out of his face.

Taichi was busy messaging people again—I guessed it would probably be Koushiro, now that he'd had time to start doing something. But Taichi didn't say anything aloud, and Yamato just walked along looking all empty. Honestly, part of me wanted to cry while another part wanted to scream. It was getting dark, and Takeru was still in the digital world. It wasn't _right_. Knowing that he was stuck there, alone, and in who knew what kind of state. I hadn't said as much to Taichi, and certainly not to Yamato or in front of Mrs Takaishi, but in my mind all I could see was the rubble scattered everywhere. A fallen tower, and uprooted trees. Scorch marks and blackened stone. What if he'd been badly hurt?

I was shaking by the time we made it back to our apartment.

"Hikari," Tailmon said warningly. "You don't look too good."

I shook my head. "I'm just tired," I said. How could I make a fuss in front of Yamato? It wasn't _me_ who had been captured, and it wasn't _Taichi_ either. I had no right to be falling to pieces over it all, and yet there I was.

I excused myself and retreated to my room not long after Taichi mentioned Yamato staying the night, leaving my D-Terminal with him in case they needed it. There wasn't really anything else I could do, after all. I hadn't been there in time to see anything useful. I hadn't helped. I'd just let one of my best friends down, right when he needed help the most.

There was no sleeping. I couldn't turn off those thoughts; couldn't stop seeing it all, and letting my imagination fill in the blanks. It provided me with battles and screams, and Takeru led or dragged away in chains. Sleeping wouldn't help. It would just make the nightmares all the more vivid. Besides. I didn't think Takeru would be sleeping all that comfortably. What right did I have to lie happily in my bed?

The one good thing about having given Taichi my D-Terminal was that it meant I didn't stay up watching it, waiting for a message which didn't arrive. What sleep I did get was patchy, and certainly not enough to let me feel rested by morning.

* * *

Normally I would have gone to wake my brother, but it was Taichi who woke _me_ the next day, calling me out of my room for a hurried breakfast and an update.

"We can't let anyone know what's happened," he informed me, as I forced myself to eat. "Koushiro was up half the night trying to find that damn base, and while he hasn't turned up anything yet, I'm sure it's only a matter of time. Yamato and I are gonna ditch school today and go look for him, but we can't _all_ do that. You need to go in and act like nothing's wrong. If the teacher asks you or Daisuke where Takeru is, maybe say he seemed a little off when you saw him last. We spoke to Mrs Takaishi again last night, and she's agreed to call in later and report him sick."

I stared at him. "But…what if you can't find him?"

Taichi grinned, although the confidence of his smile didn't quite reach his eyes for once. "Look. Ichijouji wants him as a bargaining tool. Leverage. So it's no use him keeping Takeru completely out of sight. If he can't prove he's got him, his plan falls apart. Maybe he'll even be cocky enough to agree to an exchange. Either way. As soon as we know where Takeru's being held we can put together a rescue. He has to know he can't keep Takeru locked up forever. He'll want to bluff us out of our digivices quick, which means making contact. Soon as he does that, we'll have him."

It seemed a good plan. Or at least, it was as good as any we could come up with, under the circumstances. And the bags around my brother's eyes suggested he'd spent quite a while trying to think of alternatives. I got through the day fairly well, all things considered, but it was awful not knowing what was going on. Taichi and Yamato had their partners with them for their search, but without us they couldn't guarantee that Agumon and Gabumon would be able to evolve. They were stuck trying to sneak around and hope Ichijouji wouldn't notice them.

The silence on my D-Terminal all day made sense when we met up with them in the digital world after school.

"Nothing," Taichi spat. "He's gone to ground. Not a trace anywhere—Koushiro says he hasn't even put up any more towers."

"But that doesn't make any sense," Miyako said. "We knocked loads down yesterday. He's done _nothing_ since then?"

"Oh, he's done something," Yamato spat. "He's sat holed up in his base dragging this out to soften us up. Toying with _my brother_ like he's been doing with the digimon this whole time. He's—this is…It's _Pinochimon_ all over again."

I bit back a gasp. It wasn't as though there was much I could say to argue—I wasn't even really sure I _wanted_ to argue—but Pinochimon had been a monster. Ichijouji was human. A boy just the same age as Takeru, Daisuke, and myself. And something about Yamato's voice made me wonder if he could even remember that.

"Who's Pino—" Daisuke said, stopped by Miyako's elbow in his side.

I heard her hiss: "I'm sure Hikari can tell us later," and smiled weakly at them both.

"What should we do now?" Iori asked. "If Ichijouji isn't replacing towers, maybe we could take this chance to knock down a few more. I mean, if we provoke him, he might slip up and give us a clue about where he's hiding."

Taichi smiled. "It's worth a shot. We can certainly make more of an impression with the four of you here too."

* * *

If we did, we never knew it. Koushiro steered us to a spot with several towers all within reach, and we spent the next couple of hours knocking each and every one of them down, but nothing happened. There weren't even all that many digimon around to free. At any moment I expected an army to pop up, or for Ichijouji's distinctive laugh to echo out from somewhere above or behind us, but the sun started to set and we had to return back to the gate without any sign of him at all.

On paper, we'd done well. We'd cleared a large area, and as we returned to earth and looked at the spot on the map, it was good to see the difference we'd made.

It didn't stop me feeling as though we'd lost. How long could we really count on Ichijouji staying quiet for? There were too many towers to believe we could just clear them all until he ran out of places to hide. _Surely_ he'd catch on before that?

"Tomorrow's Saturday," Taichi said as we walked back. "That means we've got longer in the afternoon to look. If we get everyone to come along, we could split into two groups and cover more ground. And if Jou can't make it, we'll call Mimi in. It'll be late for her, but she said she doesn't have school on Saturdays, so it's okay if she sleeps in after we're done. It's not over yet. Not even remotely."

"Besides," I said, forcing myself to sound more cheerful and optimistic than I felt. "It's Takeru. I'll bet he's doing everything he can to get out, or…or to annoy Ichijouji enough that he lets him go."

Daisuke laughed. "Yeah, I've gotta say, Takeru's sharp. He's probably worked out a million ways to make Ichijouji regret capturing him already."

Miyako looked as though she were about to elbow him again, but Yamato—who'd been walking a little way ahead—sighed and nodded before she could do anything.

"If anyone can, it's Takeru," he said. "Maybe this _will_ turn out like Pinochimon, and he'll come back ready to tell us all how he outsmarted Mr So-Called-Genius."

It was eerie, the way Yamato spoke. His words were cheerful, and even his voice wasn't _miserable_ , but…you could tell it was an act. Or at least, I could, and Taichi could. I'm not sure about the others. They didn't know him as well as we did—I was pretty sure he was only holding himself together by threads.

The second night without Takeru passed just as slowly as the first had. Weariness dragged at me, but however many times I felt myself start to drift into a sleep, when I opened them again it would turn out that only an hour or so had passed. At least Tailmon slept. I had a feeling we were going to need our partners' strength in earnest before much longer. Two days in a row we'd put dents into Ichijouji's would-be empire. How long could that last before he tried to get revenge?

And what would we do if he took his anger out on Takeru?

That was the thought which kept me from settling into sleep on that second night. Guilt about escaping when Takeru hadn't was one thing. The possibility that our actions were making things even _worse_ for him was almost unbearable.

 _He'd tell us if he hurt Takeru_ , I told myself, over and over. _What would be the point, otherwise? He wants us to give up. There wouldn't be any point in hurting Takeru and keeping it a secret. He'd have to tell us or we wouldn't know to stop._

It wasn't a particularly comforting thought, all the same.

* * *

 **A.N.: And I'm back! My apologies for the delay in publishing this chapter. There were a bunch of contributing factors to the delay which, rather than repeating for each and every fic, I've explained in the General Update on my profile.**

 **That said, for Equanimity in particular, it took me a little longer to slot into the First Person narrative voice. It's definitely a PoV I use less than others, which is one of the reasons I picked it** **—part of my motivation for Trinacriform is to challenge myself as a writer. As such, if anyone has any feedback on the characterisation or the writing in general, it is very much appreciated! I'm looking forward to where the story goes from here though. It's a different beast again to Metanoia and Renascent, and hopefully that should be _very_ much apparent within the next chapter or two. **


	3. Found

The thought was my sole comfort over the next two days. All our searches were fruitless. It was as though Ichijouji and Takeru had vanished into thin air. Half of Saturday and all Sunday were spent knocking down towers, and we didn't disturb more than a handful of imprisoned digimon at any of them.

"Just what is that kid _planning?_ " Taichi snapped on Sunday night. He'd stood on his own near a tower for half an hour yelling for Ichijouji to come out and show himself. Nothing had happened. Eventually, we'd all returned to the real world and gathered at our apartment so we could try and come up with a plan for what to do next.

Taichi was pacing back and forth in the living area while the rest of us tried to avoid eye-contact with Yamato.

"I mean, first he demands our partners in exchange for Takeru, and now he won't even show up when I make a target of myself?" my brother went on, when no one replied. "He could _easily_ have taken me. And like I said, I'm not even gonna _pretend_ I'm interested in a trade until we've seen Takeru for ourselves. It doesn't make any sense."

"It does," Koushiro said, scowling at his laptop. "It makes perfect sense. We want him back, and we want it to happen fast—before his disappearance arouses suspicion. But Ichijouji has already made it clear that he doesn't care about causing a scene here in the real world. He's not in any hurry. Most likely he's intentionally laying low so that we take larger risks which he can exploit. Splitting into two teams like we did today, we had enough to defend ourselves. But if we took that idea further, we would be open to the same sort of ambush that he laid for Takeru. We have to be careful not to play into his hands."

"Well how long are you asking us to wait?" Yamato snapped. "This is my _brother_ we're talking about! I'm not just going to sit back forever and let some…some… I'm not going to let _him_ keep my brother locked up forever just because he feels like it!"

Sora frowned, looking between them. "I'm sure Koushiro isn't asking that Yama—"

"I don't care!" Yamato cried, making me jump.

I wasn't the only one. Miyako definitely looked worried too, and sat clutching Poromon with her hair falling forward so that it partly hid her face. Sora just stared at him, open-mouthed.

"We've tried looking. We've tried shouting into thin air. Well that isn't _working_ , so we need to try something else!" Yamato got to his feet, hands clenched into fists—only to be brought up short when my brother grabbed the shoulder of his shirt.

"And what exactly do you suggest?" Taichi said, while the rest of us shuffled away. Even Daisuke, Miyako and Iori had started to catch on to what was probably coming next. Yamato and my brother had come to blows more than once over the last two days.

"We're doing everything we can," Taichi went on. "What, are we supposed to _actually_ make a pile of digivices somewhere and just hope Ichijouji keeps his word? And don't even _think_ about suggesting we pretend to abandon our partners, because I'm not—"

He stopped, catching on about a half second after the rest of us had. The anger which had filled Yamato's face was gone—long gone—and in its place was that same emptiness from the very first night Takeru had disappeared. The shadows under Yamato's eyes leapt out without a scowl to mask them. It struck me that I couldn't even be sure when the last time he'd slept was. He'd gone back to his own apartment on that second night, but that didn't mean he was coping any better. Even as we watched, Taichi lurched, grabbing hold of Yamato's arm and hauling him upright as he sagged.

"Sora, get the door to my room," he barked, nodding over at it. She leapt to her feet and opened it wide, then ran back to help prop up Yamato's other shoulder. The three of them vanished into Taichi's room, with my brother swinging the door shut again with his foot as they went in.

Daisuke was the first to clear his throat. "Um, I probably ought to get home. Are we… I mean, we're still looking again as soon as school gets out, right? I mean, hell, if it helps we could try getting up early and having a look _before_ school as well."

Koushiro sighed. "If everyone else is willing, we could _try_ an early look, but unless we get a lead I have a strong suspicion it would be a waste of time. Ichijouji is obviously capable of remaining very well hidden. And we need to make sure your partners are getting enough rest. If it comes to a fight, we'll be relying on the four of you—wherever they are, you can bet that Ichijouji will have surrounded himself with towers, which puts us out of commission unless you can take them down."

It sounded like Koushiro was giving up. I knew it couldn't be true—he couldn't give up on _Takeru_. But a part of me couldn't help but agree, even if it _did_ feel like giving up. What more could we do when we didn't even have a way of finding them? How were we supposed to stage a rescue when they'd as good as disappeared altogether?

I gasped as an awful thought popped into my head. "Koushiro, what if they're not _in_ the digital world?"

Miyako covered her mouth with her hands. "You think he'd _do_ that? But…but where could they be?"

Koushiro shook his head. "If they'd come back to the real world, he wouldn't really have a reliable way to stop Takeru escaping. So far, we've not had any reports which could be digimon sightings, and realistically, he would _have_ to use digimon. He's only a boy. A…a highly _intelligent_ boy, but a boy nonetheless. Just as human as we are. And I very much doubt that he would have any desire to return, for the simple reason that he would almost certainly be recognised _himself_. No, they're in the digital world. We're just…we're missing some vital piece of information somewhere."

* * *

The others had left before Taichi and Sora emerged from Taichi's room, both looking troubled.

"I'm glad he's asleep, at least," Sora said, folding her arms. "When was the last time he got a decent amount of rest?"

Taichi shook his head. "Not since before Takeru disappeared. I mean, I've been _trying_ to get him to sleep, but you know what he's like. It's been catnaps at best. A couple of times I thought he _was_ asleep and nodded off myself, but when I woke up he was just sat staring out of the window. Man, he wasn't even this bad that time we all got separated on File Island."

Sora looked over at Taichi's room and sighed. She shook her head. "Well when he wakes up, tell him—"

The sound of bleeping cut her off.

I pulled my D-Terminal out even as Taichi and Sora started looking around for their own. I flipped the top open and gasped.

" _Takeru?_ "

"It's from _him?_ " Taichi cried, leaping over the sofa as I opened the message and read it.

 _::Chosen Children wait._  
 _Pleading for a friend's return._  
 _Are they crying now?::_

I choked back a sob, and held the D-Terminal out for my brother to see, hands shaking. My eyes filled with so many tears that everything blurred. Taichi grabbed it and then recoiled, throwing my D-Terminal onto the sofa. "Why that sick—"

"What's wrong?" Sora asked, opening her own and reading the message there.

She covered her mouth with her hand, closing her eyes tightly. A moment later she opened them ago. "Yamato!" she cried. "Taichi, if this message was sent to him too…"

My brother nodded grimly, and got to his feet. "You think we should delete it?"

"But…but the message was sent to all of us," I said, trying to keep my voice level. It wasn't easy. I wanted to cry. How could Ichijouji _do_ things like that? "What about the others? Do…do we have to keep it a secret from Yamato?"

Taichi sighed. For just a few seconds, he had a defeated look about him, more than I could ever remember seeing before. For the first time since all this had started, I could honestly believe he was stumped.

"Damn. _Damn_ it! This whole mess just keeps getting worse and worse. What the _hell_ do we do now? He's…the guy's toying with us, for crying out loud!" He slumped back onto the sofa and dropped his head into his hands. "Where are we meant to go from here? Give me something to fight and I'll fight it, but this—"

I clung to Tailmon and gave up trying to hold back the tears. If even Taichi had started to give up, what _were_ we supposed to do?

* * *

That night, I dreamt about Spiral Mountain, and falling through darkness only to land in an inky black sea. I woke to Tailmon's worried face just centimetres from my own and clung to my partner, sobbing, for long hours.

"I let him down," I cried, over and over. "It's all my fault. We left him _behind_."

I can't remember what Tailmon said, although I know she tried to comfort me. It didn't work. How could it have?

* * *

When the teacher called Takeru's name in the register, it was all I could do not to cry. I didn't dare look at Daisuke—I knew he'd be trying to silently offer comfort, and that really _would_ have set me crying. It was bad enough answering to my own name as it was. My voice shook so much that the teacher asked if I was feeling unwell.

"I…I'm… It's my cat," I said, rubbing my eyes. "She's very unwell."

"Hmm. Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Still, please try to focus on your schoolwork while you are here. It may even help you, if you try not to dwell on the matter. I'm sure she's being well looked after."

I nodded, although I wanted to be sick. Well looked after? _Anything_ could be happening to Takeru. What if Ichijouji had hurt him? The day dragged, each lesson lasting an awful, painful eternity. By the time I made it to the computer room, I felt numb. Taichi had almost given up, and he _never_ gave up. I couldn't remember him being stumped, or lost. He was _Taichi_. He was my big brother, strong and brave, and he always came through in the end. The world was coming unglued around me.

I didn't even notice where I was until the sound of Miyako's voice pulled me up sharp.

"Hikari?"

I stopped and looked up, then around. In my daze, I'd actually managed to walk _past_ the door of the computer room. Tailmon was waiting in the room for me, and settled on my shoulders, letting her tail curl around my arm. I sank into one of the chairs to wait for Daisuke and Iori, grateful and guilty in turn for the comforting weight of my partner.

"Hikari, are you getting enough sleep?" Miyako asked, frowning.

I forced myself to smile. "I'm fine," I said. "Just…the message last night was worrying."

She nodded. "It certainly creeped the heck out of me when it popped up on my D-Terminal. But you said Koushiro told Taichi that it might actually help us?"

I sighed. Koushiro had shown up at our door not long before it was time to leave, and they'd still been chatting when they left. I hadn't heard the end part of the plan.

"I think so," I said at last. "I don't know exactly how though. Maybe they'll tell us when we gather in the digital world."

"What's taking them so long?" Tailmon muttered from my shoulder. "We should be in the digital world _already_. The others will be waiting."

"Daisuke had to clean up today," I said. "I'm not sure about—oh, here's Iori."

Taichi messaged to ask if it was safe for them to head over before Daisuke arrived. Miyako was just typing out a reply when he skidded up to the door apologising.

"It's fine," I said. "We're here now."

That earnt a few odd looks. I'd been frantic before the weekend, in a way. Eager to press on, desperate to keep looking, to make up for the times it had been Takeru saving _me_. But as I sat there, all the energy seemed to have gone out of me. It had started to be sucked away with that message, and sitting waiting had brought it home. It wasn't a race against time to find him any more. We were being toyed with.

"Well, let's get going," Daisuke said, frowning. "We'll call the others once we've secured the area by the gate."

"Uhh, we might need to call Taichi and Koushiro and pick a new meeting point," Miyako called. "Ichijouji's back to retaking areas, look."

The others gathered to see. I hung back, clinging to Tailmon. If Ichijouji had time to plant more towers, that couldn't be a good thing at _all_. I winced as the D-Terminals beeped. What was it _now?_

Iori was the first to flip open his, and read the message. "Koushiro says we should go _there_ ," he said, pointing to a spot on the map. "Apparently it's near the most recent tower to go up. We might be able to catch him in the act."

"Sounds good to me," Miyako said, holding out her D3. "Everyone ready?"

* * *

The tower had gone up in an area of thick forest. We landed in a heap on the edge of it—the gate was in a clearing surrounded by dark, imposing trees. It looked hauntingly familiar, although I couldn't quite place why.

"I've told the others we're in," Miyako said, looking up to where Hawkmon had flown up through the canopy. "As soon as they get here, we can find our bearings and take out that tower. It's a pity the place is so overgrown though."

"Did you hear that?" Tailmon said, her ears twitching. She leapt from my shoulders and darted over to the edge of the clearing. "Someone's out there in the forest. I hear voices."

"What kind?" Iori asked, clutching his D3. "Should we go and look?"

"We can't!" I cried. "We…we have to wait for Taichi. We mustn't split up again. They _need_ us."

Daisuke huffed with obvious impatience, but nodded. "She's right. That's how we got into this mess. They'll be here—ah! Right on time!"

Even as he spoke, Taichi, Yamato, Sora, and Koushiro all landed in a heap together on the floor of the clearing.

"We have _got_ to start staggering that," Taichi muttered from the bottom of the pile.

"Where are we going?" Yamato asked Miyako, getting to his feet. "Have you seen any signs of him?"

"Uh, well, um—"

"Miyako sent Hawkmon up to scout," Iori said. "We were waiting for him to come back when Tailmon heard voices."

"Whose?"

"Well, we're not sure," Daisuke said. "We haven't been able to take out the tower yet, so we couldn't just wander off."

"This clearing…" Koushiro said. "Does it look familiar to anyone else?"

Just as everyone started to look around, Hawkmon dropped back down through the canopy.

"I've found the tower," he cried. "It's not too far from here, by an odd-looking house. There don't seem to be too many controlled digimon in the area, either."

"Maybe Ichijouji didn't want a big fight?" Sora said, although she didn't look convinced.

"I don't care what he _wants_ ," Yamato snapped. "When I catch up with him he's gonna get the fight of his life. Come on. Let's finish this."

Hawkmon pointed in the right direction, and we set off through the trees, with Yamato leading the way and the rest of us half jogging to keep up. Iori and I made up the rear of the group with our partners, while Miyako and Daisuke tried to stick at the front: Miyako because Hawkmon knew the way, and Daisuke because, as he kept trying to point out, Yamato didn't actually have his partner _with_ him. Of the older children's partners, only Tentomon and Piyomon were there. Agumon and Gabumon, being unable to fly, had a much harder time keeping out of sight during school hours.

"I don't like this," Iori muttered as we marched along. "If he's just put up the tower, why aren't there more controlled digimon around? And we should have looked into those voices Tailmon heard."

I frowned. "I don't know that it would have helped," I said. "Ichijouji's got a lot of towers to replace. Probably he's moved all the…the controlled digimon to another area already. And, we can't really do anything until we get rid of the tower _here_. I'm…I'm sure Taichi and Yamato know what they're doing."

Iori sighed. " _Taichi_ , perhaps," he muttered.

I hung my head rather than reply. We walked in silence from there, until Hawkmon waved for us to stop.

"It's just through these trees," he said softly.

"Right," Taichi murmured. "Daisuke, you and the others need to armour-evolve and take it out quick. Tentomon, Piyomon, scout around for any controlled digimon. We can use the trees as cover, but—"

"Oh _no_ ," Koushiro said, staring ahead through an opening in the trees.

"What is it?" Sora asked. "Is—" She gasped, then turned and stared at Yamato fearfully. "It…It's Pinochimon's house," she whispered.

I flinched. What were the chances of Ichijouji having stumbled upon _this_ , of all places? They had to be astronomical. Yamato looked pale, but didn't waver. He took a deep breath.

"Then let's get this over with _quickly_ ," he said. "Come on."

We followed him into the clearing, looking around for any signs of resistance. The tower stood outside the house, a short way over to one side of the main entrance.

Daisuke had commanded V-mon to armour evolve the moment we left the trees, and the rest of us followed suit. It didn't take long to level it. No one seemed to be around.

"This isn't right," Koushiro said.

"No kidding," said Takeru, strolling round the corner and smiling cheerfully at us all. "That's because it's a trap."

* * *

 **A.N.:** **...I may have enjoyed writing this a little too much.**

 **Also, I'm taking liberties having Pinochimon's house still be around, but I figure, the whole digital world was more or less reset at the end of Adventure. In my opinion, there's plenty of room for it to exist somewhere during the time of 02, just the same as those places which _did_ get revisited. And, thematically, it felt like the perfect place for this encounter to happen.**


	4. Betrayed

Yamato was the first of us to react. " _Takeru!_ " he cried, running forward.

Takeru didn't move so much as an inch, not even when a Flymon with tell-tale glowing eyes swooped down to land between him and Yamato, cutting him off. Yamato almost tripped over in his haste to back up, and I honestly think he would have tried to tackle the digimon on his _own_ if Taichi hadn't stepped in and dragged him back towards the rest of us.

And Takeru just rolled his eyes, watching with the strangest, most unnerving sort of smirk on his face. He leant to one side so he could peer around the Flymon, and stared straight at my brother.

"Do you think you could _control_ your boyfriend? If it's not too much trouble, that is."

For a few seconds, there was just a stunned silence. I think everyone was just as floored by Takeru's remark as I was.

"Takeru, what—"

He actually laughed, then. "Really? You don't see it? I mean, I thought it was low-hanging fruit myself, but maybe you all really are as blind as you are stupid. No _wonder_ you're losing."

"V-Mon!" Daisuke cried. "We gotta take that Flymon out, got it? Look, I dunno what's gotten into you Takeru, but once we get this we're all going home, right?"

It wasn't right. It was all wrong, and I knew it even before Daisuke and the others Armour-Evolved their partners. Takeru was _smiling_. Watching us without moving—and where was Patamon, anyway? They were never apart, and now here Takeru was, alone, and not even worried?

"No!" I cried, as Fladramon ran forward. I was sure it wouldn't work.

But the Flymon just hovered there, hardly even reacting as Fladramon attacked. Digmon and Shurimon stood ready, but it didn't seem like they'd even be needed. The ring came off and the Flymon soared away over the trees somewhere.

I didn't take my eyes off Takeru the whole time. He watched, nodding as the ring came free, then stood up straight and dusted himself off. I could see Taichi struggling with Yamato out of the corner of my eye, holding him back, while Agumon and Gabumon stood protectively between them and Takeru. Could _they_ sense it too?

"Why's he acting like that?" Miyako said beside me. "It's like…like it's just another day."

Iori shook his head. "That's not Takeru," he said. "Takeru would never act like this. It's an imposter!"

The others stared down at him. I don't think I'd ever seen Iori look that serious about something. He was gripping his D3 so tightly that his fingers had gone white.

"It has to be," he added, so faintly that I almost missed it amid a loud snort of laughter from the other side of the clearing.

"Oh, that would be a good one I suppose," Takeru admitted, tossing his D3 up into the air and catching it again. His eyes never left us. They didn't so much as flicker to the blur in the air. He did it once more, and then took a step towards us, leaning forward. "A Bakemon, you mean? You know, I honestly wish I'd thought of that myself. Pity."

He straightened, and turned away.

"Unfortunately, a Bakemon wouldn't have been reliable enough for this anyway. I mean, tricking you that way just wouldn't get the message across properly."

"Takeru what are you playing at?" Taichi cried. "Stop messing around and let's get out of here!"

"Assuming that _is_ Takeru," Daisuke said, scowling. "Iori's right. I smell a rat."

"Well, there's a first time for everything," Takeru said, shrugging. "And here I was thinking Daisuke would be the last one to catch on." He turned back again and pointed at Daisuke, wrinkling his nose. "I hope you know you just cost me a bet with that one. I won't be forgetting."

"Look that's _obviously_ a Bakemon, so we just need to-"

"NO!" Tailmon cried. "He's not a Digimon. He feels all _wrong_ , not like Takeru should feel at all, but he's human alright."

"And the clever kitty saves the day!" Takeru said, clapping his hands together. "Of course, I suppose that shouldn't come as a surprise. I believe the saying is 'takes one to know one'? But there, I got all distracted holding you up. Or did you forget the 'trap' part? You see, I'm afraid I won't be coming back with you, due to the fact I have far better things to do with my time. You can consider this a fair warning. A last chance to get out with some scrap of dignity, as it were. Because believe me, if you choose to carry on meddling, it's really not going to end well. For _any_ of you. Oh, and I wouldn't try rushing me, if I were you. You've been completely surrounded while I was holding your attention. Honestly, I expect you'll be able to fight your way to the gate if you _have_ to. But I'll be long gone by that point, and the next time we meet I really won't be holding back. So. Here's the ultimatum again, for those who weren't paying attention before: Surrender. Give up. Hand over your digivices, D3s, D-Terminals, partners…the lot, really. The Kaiser and I win. You lose. _Lost_ , in fact."

None of us moved. No one spoke. I don't think anyone quite believed their eyes or ears. It _was_ Takeru. It had to be. A Bakemon wouldn't have known about Tailmon, or the D-Terminals. Not unless—

"What did you do to my _brother!_ " Yamato roared. "You're not him! You're a fake! Takeru would never—"

"Never abandon his dear, beloved brother? Why, you're right!" Takeru said, with a decidedly eerie smile. He blinked, and the smile didn't leave his face as he added: "That was _you_."

No one said anything to that. We just stood there staring at him. I felt like I'd been slapped, and Takeru hadn't even been talking to me.

 _I abandoned him all the same though_ , I thought. _Is all of this my fault?_

Tailmon stirred beside me moments before the Airdramon appeared over the clearing, carrying Ichijouji on his back. Glancing over at Yamato, I saw that he'd sunk to his knees, all the colour drained from his face.

"Are you quite finished?" Ichijouji called down shortly.

Takeru just grinned up at him and folded his arms. It was as though we'd been completely forgotten. "Message delivered. I can't say I think they'll listen though. As I said, they really are quite slow to catch on."

Beside me, I heard Miyako gasp with outrage. The others were silent. Way _too_ silent in fact. But what could anyone say? I still couldn't believe it myself. How…how could it be happening?

But it was, and Miyako hadn't taken more than a couple of angry steps towards Takeru when all hell broke loose. The Airdramon swooped down, and Takeru let himself be hauled up by Ichijouji as we were ambushed on all sides by a whole host of Floramon, Vegimon, and Kunemon. I lost sight of him as we fought. I almost lost sight of _everyone_ , because the surge of digimon ran between us all and I nearly tripped over trying to avoid a Vegimon's attack. We were caught in chaos, with the three digimon who had already Armour-Evolved on the wrong side of the ambush, and those who hadn't evolved hampered by the fact that, save for Gabumon, their evolutions were all too _big_ to be useful in the trees.

Greymon was the luckiest, having been furthest from the trees when we were ambushed, but all he could do was swing his tail and try to bite the rings off, because the rest of his attacks could easily have set the forest alight. Every time he moved, he risked trampling _us_ as well as the controlled digimon. I scrambled up onto Nefertimon's back for safety, and we cleared the tops of the trees just in time to see the Airdramon fading into the distance. They weren't even _watching?_

"Hold on tight, Hikari!" Nefertimon barked, swooping into a dive and kicking the rings from two Floramon in quick succession. I just had time to see Garurumon standing protectively between Yamato and a Vegimon before we pulled away, soaring up to get the momentum my partner needed on the way down again. It was enough time for me to see that he was on his knees though, staring over at where Takeru had been stood as though he couldn't see the battle which raged around him.

Our enemies weren't strong, but we were badly outnumbered. If Yamato stayed like that he was in serious danger of being hurt.

"We have to _do_ something!" I cried, but I wasn't the only one to think of that.

With a cry of fury, Birdramon took to the air, followed by Kabuterimon. Sora hung from one of Birdramon's feet, and they soared over.

"Taichi wants you to help me get everyone up here," she called. "We can't fight our way through these trees, but between us, we've got enough flying digimon that we can escape and regroup." Her face twisted with worry. "We…we just need to get somewhere safe so we can _think_ properly. You fetch the younger chosen. Birdramon and I can tackle the rest."

She clung on as Birdramon swooped downwards again.

"Come on!" Nefertimon cried, "We don't have time to waste staring. They'll be overwhelmed!"

* * *

We made a glum party when we finally found another gate. The original one was somewhere beneath the trees, undetectable and far too dangerous to search for. Iori stayed with me as we flew in convoy above them, clutching his partner tightly.

"It _can_ 't have been Takeru," he quietly, after several minutes' silent flight. "It…that just isn't how Takeru behaves. He would never—"

"I know," I said, feeling my stomach churn into a knot. I so badly wanted Iori to be right. "But…but if it was an imposter, how did it know those things?"

"What things?" Iori asked.

I sighed. "He…he knew things. What he said—it was about things which happened last time. Things which Ichijouji can't have known."

"She's right," Nefertimon said. "If Ichijouji was forcing Takeru to talk and give him information he could use, those are things which he would be unlikely to touch upon. Even…" She faltered, and sighed. "Even the most unpleasant forms of interrogation rely on asking the right questions. It's something else."

I shuddered, knowing what she meant. She'd worked with Vamdemon, after all: if any of us knew about interrogations, it was her. The thought that Takeru might have been hurt by Ichijouji—hurt because we hadn't saved him—made me feel sick.

* * *

Even Taichi stayed quiet as we landed. The only words he said were: "Let's go," before he held out his digivice to the gate. None of us hung around. Our partners had fought hard enough for one day.

We'd all emerged in the Odaiba Middle School's computer room, landing in a heap by a computer in the corner. Koushiro got to his feet first and went to check that the coast was clear. After all, it was one thing for ex-students to visit their former school, but we had no business at all on the school's grounds. Yamato had to be led out by Taichi and Sora. I knew what he had to be thinking. It was what _I_ was thinking, only worse, because at least Takeru wasn't my brother. And while it hurt that Tailmon's past had been thrown in our faces by the Takeru lookalike—there was nothing at that moment which could convince me that the boy who'd been stood there was really, _actually_ Takeru—the comment about Yamato had to have cut deeply. Takeru didn't talk about his experiences from when they'd all been split up in the digital world. What little I'd gleaned from Taichi had warned me not to ask.

But there again! Takeru didn't talk about that, and yet there he'd been, chatting as casually as though it were no big deal. He was a different person—he _had_ to be—albeit a different person who looked identical, and would have sounded identical but for the sarcastic drawl in his voice.

It was late enough that we made it out of the school without running into another soul. The clubs had finished, and the last stragglers had long since left. When Yamato turned to head back to his apartment, Taichi went with him. I didn't blame him. Yamato stared off into the middle distance so blankly that I think Taichi was worried he wasn't going to make it without someone there to watch out for traffic.

Daisuke walked me home, but even he was subdued and quiet. I could tell it was bothering him, but we walked in silence for a minute or so after parting company with the others.

"What _happened_ to him?" Daisuke asked, eventually.

I'd been expecting something like that. "I don't know," I replied. "It…I…I don't see how it could really be _him_."

"It was," Daisuke said grimly. "After Tailmon told me he was human, I checked my D3. His dot was there alright, and it flew off with him when _Ichijouji_ picked him up. But…I don't get it. Takeru's not like that. He's a bit of a brat sometimes, sure, and I _know_ he thinks it's funny to wind me up. But that's all just harmless, you know? It's just like…it's like a joke. We're both okay with it, so it's fine. But this? Today…I dunno what's gotten into him."

"Something evil," Tailmon said from my arms. "I could feel it. Something about him was very different, and I don't like it at all."

"You think it could be like a dark ring?" Daisuke said, as we reached my door. "I mean, I didn't see anything like that, but you never know…"

"No," I replied, shaking my head. "We're not digimon, so I don't see how that could ever work. Besides, even if it did, his eyes would be…they'd go red like the digimon, surely? And controlled digimon all look so…it's like they're not really aware of everything. Takeru was the opposite. Besides. Ichijouji seemed almost like he was _annoyed_ with him. He wouldn't be like that if Takeru was being controlled by a ring."

Daisuke nodded. "Yeah. And that's gotta be a good thing for _all_ of us," he said, shuddering. "If he could do that…he could get any one of us."

The thought made my blood run cold. But if Takeru wasn't being controlled, did that mean he really _had_ said all those things because he wanted to? _Betrayed_ us because he wanted to? It didn't make any sense. No matter how long I thought about it, I couldn't imagine anything which would make Takeru act the way he had—and I thought about it for a long, long time.

Taichi hadn't come back. I assumed he was staying with Yamato to make sure he was okay. I understood that, and I didn't begrudge it at all…but it _did_ mean that I didn't have him to turn to for comfort. As Tailmon curled up on my bed beside me and fell asleep, it struck me that just a few weeks ago, Takeru had told me not to rely on my brother all the time. The closest we'd ever come to an argument, in fact. He'd been frustrated, and different from his usual self…but not _that_ different.

My D-Terminal bleeped.

 _~Oh dear, and just think_  
 _If you had but tried harder_  
 _You might not have failed.~_

I stared at the message in horror. It was from Takeru's D-Terminal again, sent to everyone. Except, this time I couldn't shake the feeling that it really was Takeru who had sent it, and not Ichijouji. It didn't matter that I couldn't imagine Takeru doing anything even _remotely_ like that—it didn't change the fact that he _had_. He really had stood there and lured us all into a trap. He'd turned his back on everyone; the whole digital world.

Taichi's message flashed up on the screen, sent to everyone except Takeru:

 _~Don't rise to the bait and reply, anyone. It's gotta be Ichijouji just trying to get under our skin. We didn't see any sign of a D-Terminal today so there's no reason to believe it's actually Takeru behind this. Just get some sleep and we'll come up with a different plan of attack. We didn't fail today.~_

I tried my hardest to believe it, I really did. But that picture of Takeru that I hadn't been able to conjure up wasn't necessary any more. I'd seen first hand the smirk on his face as his words had crushed Yamato completely, and the image haunted me as I closed my eyes. Taichi might have been putting a brave face on for everyone else the way he usually did, but I couldn't escape the truth in my own mind.

We _had_ failed. Failed to protect Takeru, failed to find him, failed to bring him home. And we'd left it long enough that it seemed as though he didn't want to be one of us any more. The sting of his betrayal was only made worse by the fact that try as I might, I still couldn't see any reason _why_.

* * *

 **A.N.:** **Wow, this has taken me a lot longer than I was hoping. Unfortunately for my fanfics, it's NaNoWriMo at the moment, which has to take priority for me. I'm allowing myself a bit of time here and there for fanfic projects, but I really don't want to make promises about my next update, for this series _or_ Hope's Fire.**

 **That said, thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed, or followed the story. Honestly, it makes my day to know that people are enjoying these stories, and I promise, they are not forgotten!**


	5. Take Two

If someone had asked me before that meeting with Takeru whether things could get worse, I would have looked at them as though they were…crazed, perhaps? Delusional or sadistic for certain. I definitely wouldn't have believed it was possible. Even after we'd gone back home; even after receiving that _horrible_ taunting message, I was still trying to sort out what had happened. I was still half in denial about the idea that somehow we existed in a world where Takeru— _Takeru_ , of all people—had betrayed us. It didn't seem possible and yet it was true. I honestly thought that was as low as I could feel. As bad as things could get.

I hadn't even felt as hopeless when we were facing the Dark Masters. And admittedly that was probably because I'd been eight years old at the time, and had spent a good portion of our adventure feeling decidedly unwell, but the world had ended, even if it was only for a short while. But no matter how many times I told myself that this was definitely not as serious as the end of the world, it didn't change how I felt. At least when we'd faced the end of the world we'd all faced it together in the end.

The churning in my gut didn't stop all night. I barely slept. It was awful. We'd been dragged into the digital world's affairs again, and I hadn't even particularly minded up until that confrontation. The chance to see Tailmon and the others again—the chance to _fix_ things again, and make a difference—it had always seemed worth the risks. So worth it that I hadn't fully appreciated the danger was even _there_. We'd survived literal deletion, after all. What more could be thrown at us?

I should have known when our mother switched the TV off right before the news started, as Taichi and I ate breakfast. Normally she wouldn't even have been paying attention to it—it was just background noise after all, and most of the time she was either doing something in the kitchen area or hanging out the morning's laundry. But that Monday, she leant forward and firmly switched it off. Taichi stiffened, looking away from me, but he didn't say anything. He just carried on eating as mechanically as he had before.

But I didn't think about it. I couldn't see past the food I was only really picking at, because eating made me feel a little sick. And then I was busy getting dressed, taking twice as long to brush my hair, and needing multiple attempts to slip my feet into each shoe because my whole body was operating on autopilot. The same thought had taken over my head, circling there endlessly:

How could he? How _could_ he?

All the way to school I see-sawed between distraught acceptance, and stubborn disbelief that Takeru had betrayed us. Every time I had halfway convinced myself that it was fundamentally impossible for Takeru to turn his back on the digital world, I remembered the cheerful expression on his face as he'd joined Ichijouji on the Airdramon, having proclaimed things which only Takeru could possibly have known. Every time I accepted the possibility of his betrayal, I remembered how passionately he'd always fought _for_ the digimon, and the total absence of Patamon when he'd confronted us.

I had reached the point where I was wondering if Patamon was being held at Ichijouji's base to force Takeru to cooperate (a theory which fell short of explaining how convincing his 'act' had to have been if he'd only been doing it under duress), when I reached the school. I was wrapped up in my own thoughts enough that I bumped into one of the girls in my year as I reached down to pick up my shoes.

"Oh! Yagami! I…um…I'm so sorry," she spluttered, backing up with the strangest expression on her face. " _Really_ sorry. You…um…I'm sure it'll all be, um…" She froze, her face a mask of unease, and smiled apologetically as she pointed down the hallway. "Er, I have to…um…go. Yes. Uh. To my classroom."

I stared after her, too surprised by the interruption to realise that she hadn't been apologising for the collision.

No, that understanding didn't hit me until I reached my classroom and noticed that several of the girls were sniffling in a group. A whisper went round the room and almost everyone stared at me wide-eyed for a second before pointedly looking away. I felt as though I had been slapped. What was going on?

I almost jumped out of my skin when Chiyo Yoshida—a girl I hardly even talked to—seemed to appear at my side. I hadn't noticed her until she spoke:

"I'm…really sorry Hikari," she said, clutching at the bottom hem of her jumper and twisting it slightly. "I'm sure—"

"What's going on?" I asked, although the prickling sensation all down my spine should have warned me. I think I'd already worked it out, deep down.

"Oh my god, you don't _know?_ " she said, hands flying up to cover her mouth. "I…I'm so sorry! I thought—I mean, you're good friends, right? You and Daisuke?"

For a brief, heart-stopping moment I thought something bad must have happened to Daisuke as _well_ , but…no. Chibimon had been waiting outside when I'd dropped Tailmon off just a few minutes before, which meant Daisuke had to be at school too. I leant to one side and saw him sat at his desk, slumped forward with his arms over his head. If it wasn't him then…

"I…I'm so…it was on the news, so I thought—"

I shook my head. From the horrified expression on her face, I had to assume she thought I still hadn't understood. That I still didn't _know_. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to run out of the classroom—out of the _school_ —and hunt down my brother and scream at him too because _he_ knew. He'd known all morning and hadn't said anything. No one had told me. They'd left me to get on with it, and work out from gossip and worried stares that at some point between going home last night and getting to school that morning, Mrs Takaishi must have formally reported Takeru missing to the police.

Now it was official. Everyone knew what was going on. Or at least, everyone thought they knew. They didn't know that their hushed, timid assurances that Takeru _had_ to be alright and that someone would find him soon only made me feel worse. They didn't know that there was no hope—and the word stuck bitterly in my throat—of him showing up anywhere in Tokyo. They didn't know _anything_.

Daisuke lifted his head as I slumped into my seat. He looked grey as he stared at me, and asked, softly: "Taichi didn't even tell _you?_ "

I swallowed, biting back tears despite the fact I was sure everyone expected them anyway. As far as the rest of the class was concerned, I had only just found out that one of my best friends had disappeared.

"He didn't say _anything_ this morning," I said. "My mum turned off the news before it played and he…he didn't say a word."

In hindsight, I think that was the worst part. Deep down, we'd all realised that if Takeru really wasn't going to come back any time soon, people would notice. The topic had come up and been hastily glossed over for Yamato's benefit before we'd set off on our disastrous attempt to find him. It was awful having everyone know _part_ of the reason he wasn't at school, and hearing their hushed theories as to what had happened. But I managed to tune them out after a few minutes because the main thought which haunted me all day was the fact that Taichi hadn't told me what was going on. Hadn't told _any_ of us in fact, because the first thing that Miyako did when we gathered in the computer lab after school—more out of numb habit than any real intention to do something—was demand to know why I hadn't _warned_ her.

It was Daisuke who came to my immediate defence.

"Because she didn't know _either_ , obviously!" he snapped, fists clenched. "What, you think we're all keeping secrets now, on top of everything else? No one told her, same as no one told me, or you, or…or _anyone_ , because apparently they don't think it's a good idea for us to know what's going on any more!"

"It's not such a bad idea, really" Iori said softly. He flinched back from the furious glare which Daisuke and Miyako shot in his direction, then raised his shoulders and leant forward again. "Well it's not!" he said, speaking more firmly. "If…if Takeru really had gone missing… _normally_ , then we wouldn't know about it until it was on the news. People would wonder why we weren't upset or shocked."

"Well it's not like we're _happy_ about it!" Miyako snapped. "We all…we were all there yesterday. We all got that message last night. We're all upset anyway. I can completely understand Yamato not saying anything, but Taichi—"

"He was scared," I said, looking down at Tailmon. She nodded at me sadly. I didn't dare look up to meet the others' eyes. "Just like the rest of us. He…he hasn't _said_ anything to me, but I know he blames himself for what happened. Just like I— Like we all do. He…worries a lot, sometimes. And he's the bravest person in the world, I know that, but you don't…I don't think you understand how responsible he was, before. He held us all together when the world was falling apart around us—and I mean that literally as well. I didn't ever see him falter while I was with him, but I know the others have said there were times when…I guess the pressure got too much for him. Because you see, he was our leader, and we trusted him to keep us safe. Yamato trusted him to keep _Takeru_ safe. And now he's not safe, and we don't know how to get him back, and I think…I think he's just _scared_."

It wasn't until I said the words aloud that I really believed it. Taichi had _never_ been scared, so far as I could see. And I'd heard the stories—they'd loosely explained SkullGreymon to me, and how it had led to them meeting Piccolomon, but I don't think I'd ever really understood what it meant. Taichi was unflappable. He was always strong; always confident; always knew what to do and how to motivate everyone. The sudden realisation that the big brother I adored—who I had always looked up to and relied on completely—was just as vulnerable as the rest of us? It hit me almost as hard as the news of Takeru's official disappearance.

"This is…this is a _mess,"_ Miyako said, leaning back to sit on the edge of the nearest table. "What are we supposed to do now?"

When it became clear that no one was going to say anything, Tailmon leapt down from my arms and stood with her arms folded, glaring at each of us in turn.

"I think that's obvious," she said. "We have to carry on as usual, and keep taking down towers. That Ichijouji boy isn't going to stop any time soon, and all the while he's got Takeru with him—whether willingly or otherwise—he's probably going to work faster than ever because he knows he has an edge over us."

"Tailmon's right, guys," Daisuke said. "There's thousands and thousands of digimon who are counting on us to stop Ichijouji and his stupid towers, so we can't let them down even if things _are_ looking pretty bad right now. Besides, we might run into some sort of clue that'll help us get Takeru back, and we sure as anything aren't gonna do that by just sitting here and moping about it all."

"That's right!" Chibimon said, nodding energetically.

Everyone else agreed, so I nodded along with them, trying to hide my unease. I didn't want to go back. I couldn't help but feel we were making a huge mistake. Not because I didn't want to help, or even that I thought we _couldn't_ help. I knew Tailmon and Daisuke were right. The digital world was depending on us, as always, and with so many dark towers everywhere we were the only ones who could do anything about it.

But with Takeru already either a captive or traitor, what did that mean for the rest of us? We hadn't been able to protect each other when there had been five of us, and now we were one fewer. The thought of losing anyone else made me feel sick. What if I let them down again? I knew a lot more about the dangers of the digital world than they did. Daisuke spoke so casually about getting Takeru back, but what if it wasn't that simple? I'd always taken it for granted somehow that dangers in the digital world _stayed_ there. That somehow we'd all get back in one piece each night, no matter what. With that illusion gone, I couldn't help but think about every bad thing which had happened or almost happened to us in the digital world those years ago. We'd taken far too many chances, then and now. We needed to be so much more careful.

"Where to?" Miyako asked, bringing up the gateway. "We're down in strength so we really shouldn't be overreaching, but at the same time, we don't exactly want him to think we're scared."

 _Even if we are,_ I thought. I wondered if she was thinking the same thing too.

* * *

We settled on a group of towers near the edge of the large smudge of black which had sprung up over the weekend. It was the sort of target we might have picked under more normal circumstances, and they were apparently all set out on open ground—which meant that both the possibility of an ambush was far lower, and that our partners would have room to fight if needed.

It was all going smoothly. So smoothly that for a little while I managed to half forget about Takeru altogether. We took the first tower down in just a few blows. It looked as though they'd been planted more to fill in the gap between other, more important locations, than to enslave any local digimon.

"Maybe we should have gone somewhere better," Daisuke said as our partners closed in on the second tower. "I mean, there's pretty much nothing here. We're wasting our time when we could be _helping_ people!"

I shook my head even as Miyako nodded her agreement.

"We need to work even harder than we have so far," she said, although there was a slight uncertainty in her voice. She turned to me, her expression filled with hope. "That's what you guys did before and it worked in the end, right? If we just…keep going then it'll all turn out okay?"

I opened my mouth to reply but the words wouldn't come. I took a step back almost without noticing. What could I say? It _had_ all worked out okay, for us children at least. But we'd lost good friends along the way, and not all of them would be coming back. How could I make promises any more?

"I—"

The ground shook. We all cried out in surprise, running as best we could towards our partners. They raced back, even as several Drimogemon with glowing red eyes erupted from the earth around us, hemming us in.

"Ambush!" Daisuke cried, sounding angry more than surprised.

We stopped dead, backing up against each other while our partners raced over, and immediately tackled the Drimogemon nearest to them. Even as they fought, more emerged to reinforce them.

Nefertimon soared over the top of them, calling my name. I thought she was going to land beside me—we were far too outnumbered to hope that we could defeat them all, even though the Drimogemon didn't seem to be attacking _us_ —but at the last minute she reared back up into the air, cursing.

"Takeru!" she called, and we all turned to look in the direction she was facing.

He was stood astride an Airdramon which hovered a short distance away, watching us with a flat, bored expression which lifted into an insincere smile. I couldn't help but shudder.

"You know, I was about say that I was disappointed in how dismally predictable the lot of you are," he drawled, not even bothering to look at us. He inspected his fingernails as he spoke. "But it actually works out rather well. A pity you didn't bring the rest of them along with you. We could have settled this completely in one go."

He clicked his fingers and even _more_ Drimogemon surged up from beneath the ground. A loud droning sound in the air heralded a flock of Flymon from behind him.

"Hikari!" Nefertimon cried, dropping instantly.

She landed beside us, yelling for Holsmon, and for us to clamber on their backs _immediately_. Even as she spoke she fired an attack at the ring on the Drimogemon closest to her. Holsmon appeared moments later, landing awkwardly as he fended off a Drimogemon and shattered the ring controlling it. Miyako and Iori scrambled up onto his back, even as I leapt onto Nefertimon and put my hand out to help Daisuke.

He hesitated, looking warily at the small army of controlled digimon around us.

"We can't stay!" I snapped, reaching to try and grab his arm. "There's too many!"

"But—but he's not really gonna…he _wouldn't_ —we can't just run away!"

"We can and we _have to!_ " I said, almost falling off Nefertimon as I leant over and dragged him out of the way of a Drimogemon as it lunged forward. My partner swung her head around and blasted its ring, crying out with a mixture of fury and probably pain—I'd had to cling tightly not to be thrown off amid the battle.

Daisuke staggered, turning to stare at his attacker in horror as it came too and looked around in confusion. The drone of the oncoming Flymon grew ever louder, and a row of their darts peppered the ground. There were so many Drimogemon around us that some of the darts hit _them_ instead. We were so lucky—outnumbered so much that the Flymon couldn't pick us out. I bit back tears as the one Nefertimon had just freed took too many hits and burst into data.

"Come on!" I yelled, practically screaming. "There's…we have to go _now!_ "

Nodding weakly, he let me pull him up and Nefertimon took to the air, ducking and weaving the Flymon's attacks as we raced for the gate. Behind us I thought I heard the sound of laughter, just about audible amid the chaos. I couldn't believe it at the time, but apparently Takeru found it _funny_.

Fladramon and Digmon ran beneath us, having followed the course of the battle even better than we had. As we cleared the initial mass of controlled digimon, Holsmon flew lower and Iori reached out to grab his partner. Digmon leapt into Iori's arms, shedding his evolution mid-air, and I closed my eyes with a gasp as Miyako had to turn and grab them both so they didn't fall.

We didn't get a chance to see if Fladramon could have made a similar jump. He took a hit from a Flymon and devolved with a cry a few hundred metres shy of the gate. Nefertimon wheeled and flew back to retrieve him, snatching him out of the path of more attacks and soaring forward again.

In all honesty, I don't know how we made it. Miyako had her D3 held out already as Nefertimon shucked her evolution rather than land, and we tumbled to a halt at her feet. Iori told me afterwards that she barked out instructions for him to grab everyone. I didn't hear them. I just remember landing in the digital world and then landing _again_ on the floor of the computer room.

My D-Tector had buzzed at my side at some point during our retreat. It wasn't until we had picked ourselves up off the floor and stood not knowing what to say that I saw Iori reach for his own. He opened it and scowled.

"It's for all of us," he said shortly. "From Takeru's D-Terminal."

I pulled my D-Terminal out of my pocket and read through eyes which rapidly filled with tears. Why was he doing it?

 _::Run. Run, run away_  
 _cowards. Honourless failures_  
 _cannot 'Hope'—or win::_

The message shouldn't have hurt even more than his obvious betrayal already had.

It did anyway.

* * *

 **A.N.:** **I liiive! Thank you so much to everyone for being so patient with me while real life and other distractions took over for a while. At least the chapter ran a little long to make up for it?**

 **This chapter was...hard work, actually. I had a false start to begin with, and had to go again from scratch, and then it sat for WEEKS on 2000 words while I tried to muster the energy and inspiration to finish it off. Writers block almost always hits me in some form or other over winter/early spring, and unfortunately my digimon fics (and my own novel, actually) seem to have been worst hit this time. I'm pushing past it a little at a time though, and although it probably looks as though I'm not writing a lot if you only follow one or two of my fics, I'm still actually writing a fairly consistent amount overall.**

 **I'm also lot more active on my Tumblr these days, so if you want to know how I'm getting along with the next update, feel free to take a gander over there at _tottwritesfanfic_**


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